Render Me In Three Dimensions Like One of Your French Girls

The first video above is the original 1997 trailer to the film Titanic. The second is for the 2012 3D re-release.

What differences do we notice?

For starters, the second is a much simpler, pared down version. It's nearly half as long. It assumes you know the story, or are at least vaguely familiar with it. It assumes you know the characters and why they're on the boat. It assumes you know who are the leads and the fact they wind up together. They don't have to waste time establishing context, they can dive right into the good stuff.

And by "Good Stuff" I mean the memorable parts. The images seared into our collective consciousnesses that scream "James Cameron's Titanic." We have the captain, the engine room crew, the steerage dance scene, the sex scene in the old-timey car, the elderly couple preparing themselves for death in their bed, among others.

And because so many scenes were added, some of the less-memorable scenes are swept under the rug. Gone are any indicators this story is told via flashback, save for a brief three second shot of a submarine near the beginning. Gone is Billy Zane and any indicators of class struggle as a main theme, possibly a hot button issue in this current era of occupiers and 99 percenters.

What has been added? That god damn Celine Dion song. In the original, it was a brief instrumental piece among the other orchestral numbers. In the new one, it's belted out over the entire second half. And shame on the marketing team; America has just about nearly forgotten Celine Dion altogether. She's like a wart. Even if we get rid of her, she's still creeping around under the surface.

But on a less bitter note, the new trailer has a heavier emphasis on the disaster-movie qualities. It was definitely the editor's intention to feature short, punchy, exciting clips, most likely to emphasize the possibilities and grandeur of 3D. As opposed to, you know, the conversion being a completely pointless endeavor.