2012 Best Picture Speculation

Oscar nominations come out on Thursday, January 10th. Can you believe it? We'll be talking about the best of 2012 cinema when it's actually relatively close to 2012.

 I can't wait. I wanna speculate now.

Will be nominated for Best Picture:
1) Argo
2) Django Unchained
3) Lincoln
4) Silver Linings Playbook
5) Zero Dark Thirty

Will almost definitely be nominated for Best Picture:
6) The Master
7) Les Miserables
8) Life of Pi

Stand a good chance of being nominated for Best Picture: 
 9) Amour
10) Beasts of the Southern Wild
11) End of Watch
12) The Intouchables
13) Moonrise Kingdom
14) Rust and Bone
15) The Sessions

Stand an outside chance of being nominated for Best Picture:
16) Anna Karenina
17) The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
18) Flight
19) The Impossible
20) Take This Waltz

Films that I have heard as being speculated for Best Picture in various publications, but stand no chance in Hell: 
21) Bernie
22) Cloud Atlas
23) The Dark Knight Rises
24) The Hobbit
25) Looper
26) Magic Mike
27) Prometheus
28) Promised Land
29) Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
30) Seven Psychopaths
31) Skyfall
32) Trouble With the Curve


2012 - The Year of the Bow and Arrow

Every year in Hollywood there's a breakout star. This year, we had the pleasure of a resurgence. A fallen comrade who is now back to grace us with their presence once again. And he brought his old partner back with him. Ladies and gentleman, 2012 was the year of the Bow and Arrow Here are the duo's ten best performances from the past year:

10) The Campaign
This scene didn't make the final cut of the movie. I'm still counting it because it's funnier than 90% of the actual film.

9) Wrath of the Titans (Mute this video before playing)

Very clever, uploader. Blow out our speakers to distract us from the Sam Worthington bad acting.

8) Snow White and the Huntsman
Learn to listen. It saves lives.

7) Moonrise Kingdom

The actual scene takes place a little earlier, but frankly, I'm lucky I found this.

6) The Five-Year Engagement  
Man hits woman = Terrible thing.
Woman hits man = Funny thing.
Little girl hits woman in the leg with a crossbow = Very funny thing.

5) The Dark Knight Rises

If Bruce Wayne's aim was a little worse, The Dark Knight Rises would have been a much shorter film.

4) The Hobbit

Couldn't find a clip of this scene. But trust me, it's there.

3) Brave

Pixar, a mister Robin Hood is on line two, something about a plagiarism suit...

2) The Avengers

Hawkeye: Weakest member of The Avengers; still a badass.

1) The Hunger Games

Easy on the suckling pig, Seneca. You won't have any room for the berries.


Ranking the Goonies on Their Post-Goonies Careers

9) Jeff Cohen as Chunk
Despite being the most popular and memorable of the Goonies, Jeff Cohen had a spectacularly lackluster career, consisting entirely of bit parts on TV. However, he did lose a bunch of weight, freeing him from a lifetime's amount of request for Truffle Shuffles. He played college football whilst he attended business school. He followed it up with law school, and now serves as a lawyer in southern California. Also, if the internet is to be believed, he can stop bullets.

8) Kerri Green as Andy
Despite her popularity with fans, Kerri Green only had one follow-up hit post-Goonies: the teen-comedy football-flick, Lucas. After a few small roles, Green took a break from acting to attend Vassar College. She graduated Cum Laude with a Bachelor's of Fine Arts. Since graduation, she has been working behind the scenes, managing an independent production company and writing scripts.

7) John Matuszak as Sloth
Prior to becoming a cinematic legend as Sloth, the lovable gentle giant, John Matuszak played professional football for ten years. As a defensive end, he earning himself two Super Bowl rings with the Oakland Raiders. But none of that matters, we're measuring post Goonies fame. Matuszak had a couple of small roles as his career continued, including a trio of crime films which he headlined. They were terrible, but he still headlined. Sadly, Matuszak passed away in 1989 from an overdose of the prescription drug Darvocet.

6) Jonathan Ke Quan as Data

His second-most-prominent role (the first being Short Round from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom), Quan was a defacto representative of southeast Asia in 80s media. Interpret that as you will. Aside from his role as the fifth-season addition Jasper Kwong on TV's "Head of the Class," Quan graduated from University of Southern California School of Cinematic Arts. He now works as a stunt coordinator in Hollywood, serving on films such as X-Men and The One.

5) One-Eyed Willy as Himself
One-Eyed Willy tragically died before the release of The Goonies, but that did nothing to deter his presence in Hollywood. A niche actor, Willy has taken uncredited parts in films such as Army of Darkness, Pirates of the Caribbean, Ghost Rider and Hot Fuzz.

4) Corey Feldman as Mouth
The most famous of all the 1980's Coreys, Corey Feldman earned his fame in films like Stand By Me, The Lost Boys, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Then the Hollywood curse hit him like so many other teenage stars. After a public battle with drugs, Feldman took increasingly schlocky parts. In recent years, he's exploited his personal life and reputation as a former child stars in an unbelievable level of meta.

3) Martha Plimpton as Stef
Martha Plimpton has had a rock solid career in Hollywood, taking a bevy of supporting roles in high profile films... Rather, that's what Wikipedia tells me. In actuality, I don't recognize any of her films. It's her recent work that propels her into the third spot. She's earned three Tony Award nominations in three consecutive years, an Emmy award for a guest spot on The Good Wife, and she's received massive accolades for her work on the series Raising Hope. Also, and this is just my personal opinion, she totally rocks that cropped hairstyle.

2) Sean Astin as Mikey

The Goonies was the feature film debut of Sean Astin, and what a career he's had since. His performance as Samwise Gamgee in the Lord of the Rings trilogy is enough to rocket him into second place. But factor in his performance as the legendary Rudy, and it's clear his career is just fantastic. He's also good in Toy Soldiers and Memphis Belle, but I don't think enough people know about their existence to warrant a mention.

1) Josh Brolin as Brand

I don't know how or when Josh Brolin broke into the A-List, but he's more than welcome to stay. Look at his filmography: No Country For Old Men, Grindhouse, Milk, True Grit, W., American Gangster. Even in crap like Jonah Hex and Men in Black 3, he brings memorable performances. He's making all the right moves and he's been reaping the rewards. Good for you, you wonderful Goonie.