3/30/2011

We're at an iMPAAsse.

I've seen commercials advertising the special theatrical release of The King's Speech. It's not longer, it's not the director's cut, it doesn't have an additional scene after the credits. It's the PG-13 version.

The King's Speech is a great biopic. It's inspiring, it's powerful, it's historical, it's both lighthearted and deep. It's cinematic magic, and while it wasn't my choice for Best Picture for 2010, it should be made available to the widest audience possible.

Do you know why it was rated R in the first place? If you'll recall, there was no violence, there was no sex, no nudity, no thematic elements, and no drug use or alcohol abuse (save for some chain smoking and a scene where Guy Ritchie is determined to find the perfect bottle of wine.)

If you'll recall, there was one scene responsible for it's restricted rating. In a moment of frustration, Geoffrey Rush urges Colin Firth to belt out a cathartic tirade of expletives. The tirade is as follows:

"Fuck. Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck and fuck! Fuck, fuck and bugger! Bugger, bugger, buggerty buggerty buggerty, fuck, fuck, arse! Balls, balls, fuckity, shit, shit, fuck and willy. Willy, shit and fuck and... tits."

According to the MPAA, this is naughty language that can only be exposed to adults. According to my sources, the edited version is as follows, and perfectly suited for all ages:

"Shit. Shit! Shit, shit, shit and shit! Shit, shit and bugger! Bugger, bugger, buggerty buggerty buggerty, shit, shit, arse! Balls, balls, shitty, shit, shit, fuck and willy. Willy, shit and fuck and... tits."

Hearing the word "Fuck" thirteen times in swift succession is dangerous to malleable young minds. Hearing it twice is perfectly fine. Of course, this is twice as many times normally allowed. Under normal MPAA guidelines, a film may say "Fuck" once and maintain a PG-13 rating. Clearly, the MPAA has a soft spot for Colin Firth's charming, British allure. Buggerty? Delightful!

Oh, and let's not forget "Shit." To the MPAA, that word is completely inconsequential. "Shit" and "Shoot" might as well be interchangeable (though not as verbs. That would be silly.)

Why do I take such personal issue with this? Does it have anything to do with my getting a three-day suspension in the 6th grade for saying "Shit" in a private conversation to a friend? No, not a bit. Clearly I hold no ill-regard towards the shit-eating language police and their goddamn, ass-backwards, cock-guzzling rules.

Fuck no. Not at all.

3/29/2011

Cast, Casting, Design, Music, Editors, DP, Producers, Writer, Director

Opening credits are a relic from old Hollywood, when the credits ran before the film in their entirety. Since then, film production has become more complicated. Crews of dozens have ballooned to crews of hundreds. In interest of time, credits were moved to the end of the film, while only a few choice names remained at the beginning. I don't know why.

If you think about it, opening credits are unnecessary and redundant. All they're doing is preventing the movie from starting for two minutes. Some films don't even use them at all, and nobody cares.

But sometimes they're the stuff of legend. Maybe it's an exercise in typography, maybe it's a music video in disguise, maybe they're just trying to set a mood. Sometimes, the opening credits are just awesome.

This isn't a true Top Ten list, these are just ten examples I really like. Don't infer anything concerning rankings or omissions.

1) Enter the Void (2010)

I know nothing about Enter the Void other than the opening credits. I'm actually scared to watch this film because there's no way the actual movie can compare to this technotronic love letter to Adobe After Effects.

2) Catch Me If You Can (2002)

It's tough to categorize Catch Me If You Can into standard genres. But this animated credit sequence does what my words cannot. It exudes the 1960's vibe of the film, while sharing it's sense of whimsy, trickery, and deception. Tell me the opening to Mad Men wasn't slightly more than inspired here.

3) Juno (2007)
A major theme in Juno is music, so the design studio responsible for its opening credits drew inspiration from 1970s-era rock posters. Over 900 photos of Ellen Page were rotoscoped to create this sequence.

4) Watchmen (2009)

If Zack Snyder could make an entire movie in slow motion, he would. I like this sequence as it creates the illusion of still photographs come to life, and introduces us to the world, history and characters of Watchmen without even saying a word. Unfortunately, it's too effective; I like it better than the entire rest of the movie.

For some reason, they won't let me embed the stupid video. Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14vTrFyHO94

5) Casino Royale (2006)

Arguably, any James Bond film could be on this list, but I like this one best. The familiar imagery of standard playing cards is electrifying and mixes well with the breakneck action Daniel Craig introduced to the franchise.

6) Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989)

Back when I was a kid, my only copy of Honey I Shrunk the Kids was recorded off TV. In addition to being edited for time and content, it was interrupted by commercials, and started five minutes in. As such, I didn't see this credits sequence until years later. Which is a shame, because it's actually pretty neat. Too bad the animators had no clue what Nick and Amy actually looked like.

7) Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

Every time I watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail, I forget just how insane these credits are. They start off silly and gradually progress into full-fledged lunacy. From the Python's, I'd expect nothing less.

8) Zombieland (2009)

People see zombie movies for one reason: Zombie effects. Zombieland serves us this insatiable desire on a silver platter. I also like how the credits are treated like physical objects. A nice touch.

9) Thank You For Smoking (2005)

Typography and product recognition. It's amazing how many brands I can identify, and I don't even smoke.

10) Do the Right Thing (1989)

Fight the Power is an inseparable element of Do the Right Thing, and you hear snippets of this song throughout the entire film. It only makes sense to hear the song in its entirety before the movie begins proper. Plus Rosie Perez can dance like nobody's business.

3/23/2011

3/17/2011

Love For Sale

I think I finally understand the appeal of romantic comedies. But first an important question: Have you ever read fan fiction?

Basically, fan fiction is an unofficial, non-canon sequel or companion piece to a piece of fiction not at all affiliated with the creators. As the name implies, it is exclusively produced by a fan.

Why does fan-fiction exist? For a number of reasons. As a writing exercise. As a testament of loyalty and/or fandom. To give eternal life to a beloved franchise. Or (most likely) maybe it's to fulfill a long-sustained fantasy.

I'm going to segue abruptly to a famous term anyone remotely familiar with TVtropes.org should know: Shipping. Shipping is the pairing of two characters whom the viewer/reader believes should have a romantic interest. Most commonly, two lead characters with unresolved sexual tension. Within the canonical confines of a TV show, shipping almost invariably spells doom (Moonlighting, The X-Files, and CSI spring instantly to mind.) But in the no-holds-barred world of fan-fiction, anybody gets paired with anybody else. It's up to the lewd, perverted mind of the writer.

Now, what does all this have to do with romantic comedies? Simple; Romantic comedies are the ultimate form of fan fiction.

Hollywood producers tap into the primal urges of the target audience. Think about the astronomical number of mouth-breathers who go apeshit every time there's a celebrity hook-up, break-up or sex scandal. What if we could harness that power and profit from it? What if we could ship together two of the hottest celebrities in LA-LA-Land, project their romantic private lives onto 50-foot screens across the country, then sell the DVDs to In Touch reading freaks for $22 a pop?

Through the magical power of the RomCom, we can ship together an infinite permutation of actors and actresses, drag them through the artificial trenches of relationship hell, and both thespians come out smelling like roses on the other side. Meanwhile, audiences get to pretend Guy HotChest and Dame SweetLegs are actually canoodling, and studio execs get to refill their money bins in time for their Thursday morning breastsroke.

3/04/2011

Random Factoids I - The Saga Begins

Random Factoids:

- Batman was the first movie to ever have two separate soundtracks; One orchestral soundtrack composed by Danny Elfman, and one pop soundtrack composed by Prince.

- For appearing in National Lampoon's Animal House, Donald Sutherland was offered his choice between $35,000 or 15% of the total gross. Sutherland bargained with the producers, and was paid $50,000. Had he opted for the gross, he would have earned $21,240,000.

- The character Gopher was created exclusively for The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. He never appeared in any of A.A. Milne's stories, giving a subtle double meaning to his repeated assertion, "I'm not in the book, you know."

- In Scott Pilgrim Vs The World, all songs by Sex Bob-Omb are performed by Beck. All songs by The Clash at Demonhead are performed by Metric. All songs by Crash and the Boys are performed by Broken Social Scene.

- Janet Leigh, the actress famously stabbed to death by Norman Bates in Psycho, is the mother of Jamie Lee Curtis, the actress nearly stabbed to death by Michael Meyers in Halloween. Director John Carpenter cast Curtis for this exact reason.

- The 2006 film Flushed Away was a joint production between animation mainstays Dreamworks Animation and Aardman Animations. Aardman is best known for their claymation features, such as Wallace and Gromit, but Flushed Away's story revolved heavily around water, which easily damaged set and character pieces. As such, Dreamworks retrograded their usual CGI style to emulate Aardman's plasticine figures, going so far as to animate imperfections such as fingerprint smudges.

- Cloverfield was named after the street where Bad Robot Productions are located. The title was not intended to be permanent.

- Judy Garland wore a prosthetic nose in The Wizard of Oz to appear younger.

- In 1980, The Blues Brothers set the record for most car crashes in a single movie. the record was broken in 1998 by its own sequel, Blues Brothers 2000.

- The song Dazed and Confused does not appear in the movie Dazed and Confused. Led Zeppelin rarely ever licenses their music. While shooting School of Rock, Richard Linklater (director of both films) shot special footage of Jack Black and hundreds of extras pleading the band for permission to use Immigrant Song. Led Zeppelin received the footage, and gave Linklater permission.

- Demolition Man features product placement for Taco Bell, but with a futuristic design, logo and font. After the film's release, Taco Bell changed their logo to emulate the fictional logo.

- The Nightmare Before Christmas' original ending revealed Dr. Finkelstein as a villain, working in conjunction with Oogie-Boogie. During filming, Tim Burton accidentally kicked a set piece, destroying it, and forcing a re-write.

2/24/2011

Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.

Can anyone verify the authenticity of this image?

2/23/2011

The Golden Naked Man With the Big Sword

Here's my Oscars ballot. If I go 24/24, you all owe me brownies.

Live Action Short
Who Will Win: God of Love
Who I'd Vote For: God of Love
Second Choice: Wish 143

Animated Short
Who Will Win: Day & Night
Who I'd vote For: Day & Night
Second Choice: The Lost Thing

Documentary Short Subject
Who Will Win: Strangers No More
Who I'd Vote For: Poster Girl

Documentary Feature
Who Will Win: Inside Man
Who I'd Vote For: Restrepo
Second Choice: Exit Through the Gift Shop

Visual Effects
Who Will Win: Inception
Who I'd Vote For: Inception

Best Sound Mixing
Who Will Win: Inception
Who I'd Vote For: Inception
Second Place: The King's Speech

Best Sound Editing
Who Will Win: Inception
Who I'd Vote For: Tron Legacy (Yeah, yeah. Shut up.)
Second Place: True Grit

Best Make-Up
Fuck if I know. I didn't see any of these.
Let's just go with: Barney's Version

Best Costume
Who Will Win: The King's Speech
Who I'd Vote For: The King's Speech
Second Place: True Grit

Best Cinematography
Who Will Win: True Grit
Who I'd Vote For: Inception
Second Place: True Grit

Best Art Direction
Who Will Win: Inception
Who I'd Vote For: Inception
Second Place: The King's Speech

Best Film Editing
Who Will Win: The Social Network
Who I'd Vote For: 127 Hours
Second Place: Black Swan

Best Original Score
Who Should Win: Inception (If there is justice, which mean's it won't.)
Who Will Win: The Social Network

Best Original Song
Who Will Win: We Belong Together (Toy Story 3)
Who I'd Vote For: We Belong Together (Toy Story 3)
Second Place: If I See the Light (Tangled)

Best Adapted Screenplay
Who Will Win: The Social Network
Who I'd Vote For: The Social Network
Second Place: True Grit

Best Original Screenplay
Who Will Win: The King's Speech
Who I'd Vote For: The King's Speech
Second Place: Winter's Bone

Best Foreign Film
Who Will Win: Incendies
I didn't see any of these. I'm playing the odds (although Dogtooth does sound interesting).

Best Animated Film
Who Will Win: Toy Story 3
Who I'd Vote For: How to Train Your Dragon
Everybody called me crazy for picking Crash for Best Picture in 2005. Upsets happen all the time, and I say How to Train Your Dragon still has a chance. But I'm playing conservatively, so I'm selling out my beliefs. (PS, The Illusionist is also a nice film. Imagine 'The Giving Tree,' but with a magician. It just had the misfortune of coming out in the wrong year.)

Best Supporting Actor
Who Will Win: Christian Bale (The Fighter)
Who I'd Vote For: Christian Bale (The Fighter)
Second Choice: Geoffry Rush (The King's Speech)

Best Supporting Actress
Who Will Win: Hailee Steinfeld (True Grit)
Who I'd Vote For: Helena Bonham Carter (The King's Speech)
Second Choice: Hailee Steinfeld (True Grit)

Best Actress
Who Will Win: Natalie Portman (Black Swan)
Who I'd Vote For: Natalie Portman (Black Swan)
Second Choice: Anette Bening (The Kids Are All Right)

Best Actor
Who Will Win: Colin Firth (The King's Speech)
Who I'd Vote For: James Franco (127 Hours)
Second Choice: Colin Firth (The King's Speech)

Best Director
Who Will Win: David Fincher (The Social Network)
Who I'd Vote For: David Fincher (The Social Network)
Second Place: Darren Aronofsky (Black Swan)

Best Picture
Who Will Win: The Social Network
Who I'd Vote For: The Social Network

Odds for Best Picture:
The Social Network - 45%
The King's Speech - 40%
Black Swan - 8%
True Grit - 3%
The Fighter - .05%
The Kids Are All Right - .03%
Inception - .01%
Toy Story 3 - .001%
127 Hours - .001%
Winter's Bone - .00001%

2/11/2011

The Little Story of Right Hand/Left Hand: The Story of Love and Hate

You can judge a man in two regards: By what he likes, and by what he doesn't like. Here is the post where I lose all credibility with my followers.

25 Films I Like That Everybody Else Hates
9
1941
Bubble Boy
The 'Burbs
Cellular
Daredevil
EdTV
Evolution
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within
Gleaming the Cube
The Island
Jersey Girl
Joe Versus the Volcano
Kung Pow: Enter the Fist
The Ladykillers
Mirrormask
My Blueberry Nights
Osmosis Jones
Out Cold
Pirate Radio/The Boat That Rocked
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Stuck on You
Toys
Vanilla Sky
The Village

25 Films I Hate That Everybody Else Likes
American Pie
Analyze This
Avatar
Babe
Bambi
The Bourne Identity
Broadcast News
The Brothers Bloom
Cars
Diner
Elf
Funny Games
I Heart Huckabees
Logan's Run
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
Miller's Crossing
The Outsiders
Shrek 2
Silver Streak
Sister Act
Sullivan's Travels
Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans
Tootsie
What About Bob
...And Pretty Much Every Will Smith Movie

2/07/2011

Award Is Not Enough

From 1933 to 1944, the AMPAS honored ten films every year in the Best Picture category. Beginning in 1945, they streamlined the process limiting the nominees to a mere five. There was no official reason as to why this change was made. In 2009, the AMPAS bumped the total number of best picture nominees back up to ten films.

The official reasoning behind this decision was to honor more mainstream films, thus enticing more people to watch the televised ceremony. The actual reason was to alleviate guilt; no longer were members of the academy forced to kowtow to Oscar Bait. You could, if you so desired, nominate films that you enjoyed watching.

But what if the Academy had made this decision ten years earlier? What would the nominations look like from 1999-2008 if every year had ten best film nominations?

If I may be so bold:

1999:
With the exceptions of 1928, 1935 and 1989, every film that's won Best Picture has been nominated for best director. As such, we can pretty much deduce with ten nominees that any film nominated for Best Director would also receive a nomination for Best Picture. In the case of 1999, that film would be Being John Malkovich.

At the Golden Globes, Man on the Moon won best picture (musical or comedy) and best actor in a lead role (Jim Carrey), so we can assume there was more than just mild interest in this film. It's also a biopic of somebody who dies tragically young, and the Academy loves those.

We can tell based on the nominations for The Green Mile and The Sixth Sense that 1999 favored psychological mindscrews. As such, with ten nominations, we can deduce one other film would be of the same vein. The Talented Mr Ripley can fill that niche.

I don't think Toy Story 2 would receive a nomination. Pixar was still in its infancy in 1999, and animation would probably still be getting the short end of the stick. But the groundwork has been laid; critics would already be asking why Pixar didn't get a nomination. The animation ghetto argument has just advanced by nine years.

Instead, let's give the final nominations to Magnolia because its a great film that was overlooked, and The Hurricane, because boxing movies are always nominated.

* American Beauty
o The Cider House Rules
o The Green Mile
o The Insider
o The Sixth Sense
+ Being John Malkovich
+ The Hurricane
+ Magnolia
+ Man on the Moon
+ The Talented Mr Ripley
-------------------------
2000:
Wow. Just looking at the nominees for 2000, I can already see how far we've come regarding Oscar Bait.

First, Billy Elliot gets in because of the director rule (groan).

Next, we'll give a nomination to Cast Away because everybody saw it, everybody loved it, it made its impact on popular culture, and then pretty much everybody forgot about it. Just like most Best Picture nominees.

We'll give the token comedy slot to Almost Famous because it won at the Golden Globes. And because it also managed to snatch the Best Original Screenplay Oscar away from the Best Picture winner, Gladiator. Which is a feat in and of itself.

Let's give the penultimate slot to Wonder Boys. No particular reason, here.

Finally, to prove that at least someone in Hollywood had a pulse in 2001, the final slot goes to Requiem For a Dream. It was one of the essential movies in the history of Indie films, it tackled a topical and important subject matter in a unique and interesting way, and it was thrilling, provocative and stylish. Sure, Traffic had similar themes, but if you ask a film fan which movie they like better, Requiem wins 99 times out of 100. Excuse the pun, but nominating Requiem For a Dream for Best Picture would have been a big shot in the arm to the indie circuit.

* Gladiator
o Chocolat
o Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
o Erin Brockovich
o Traffic
+ Almost Famous
+ Billy Elliot
+ Cast Away
+ Requiem For a Dream
+ Wonder Boys
---------------------
2001:
First of all, congratulations to both Ridley Scott and David Lynch for their Best Director nominations. Both are master craftsmen in the medium of film, and both deserved accolades for their efforts this year, even with such tough competition. Even with such illustrious filmographies, Black Hawk Down and Mulholland Dr. are two of their strongest films. Both movies earn the first two vacant spots for Best Picture.

However, with both films touching on dark subject matter, we'll need to balance out the nominations with some significantly lighter fare; The Royal Tenenbaums snatches up spot number three. It takes the token comedy slot, it's a great script, a great ensemble cast, and I doubt there would be any objections. This will also be the only time anybody ever referred to The Royal Tenenbaums as "lighter fare."

I never understood why Amelie wasn't nominated for Best Picture. Everybody loved it. I went to college with a metalhead who only owned five DVDs, and Amelie was one of them. It's romance, it's comedy, it's enchanting, it's whimsical, and it was nominated for five other Academy Awards, but not Best Picture. Interesting trivia: only two French films have ever been nominated for Best Picture, which is odd considering France's filmography is filled with illustrious classic. But even still, with Life is Beautiful being nominated in 1998 and Crouching Tiger being nominated in 2000, maybe Academy members were just fed up with foreign films. Well, suck it up jerks. Amelie takes spot number four.

Interestingly enough, I wouldn't predict either Shrek or Monsters Inc to earn a nomination slot. If only one came out this year, certainly they would, but tragically, the vote is split between the two. Neither get the final prize.

Instead, Ali takes spot number five because boxing movies are always nominated.

* A Beautiful Mind
o Gosford Park
o In the Bedroom
o The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
o Moulin Rouge
+ Ali
+ Amelie
+ Black Hawk Down
+ Mulholland Dr.
+ The Royal Tenenbaums
----------------------
2002:
Talk to Her earns the first nomination because of the director rule, making this the fourth foreign film in five years to earn a best picture nomination. And with great competition; Spirited Away, Hero, and Y Tu Mama Tambien were all gunning for the honor as well.

In a year where the Best Picture winner is a musical about women in an all-woman's prison who love cabaret, I hesitate to say we need a token chick flick, but we need a token chick flick. A film about a forbidden romance that society says is wrong, but which the lovers pursue anyway. And this year, there was one of the best: Far From Heaven.

Adaptation takes the third spot, being the sole quirky, unconventional film out of all the nominees (if you can consider orcs and ents conventional).

For the sake of argument, let's not consider The Hours or Adaptation a full-fledged biopic. Instead, let's give that honor to Catch Me If You Can. It's also a comedy, which works in its favor. Somehow.

Finally, the last nomination goes to About Schmidt because I get the feeling lots of people liked it, but were guilted into voting for something else. It deserves a better destiny than being the butt of jokes concerning Kathy Bates and a hot tub.

* Chicago
o Gangs of New York
o The Hours
o The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
o The Pianist
+ About Schmidt
+ Adaptation
+ Catch Me If You Can
+ Far From Heaven
+ Talk to Her
---------------------
2003:
City of God takes the first spot because of the director rule. It deserves the nomination, anyway.

In the wake of 9/11, there were a lot of films about prejudice this year, such as House of Sand and Fog, In America, Dirty Pretty Things, and probably some others I'm forgetting. But if I may be so bold, I'd like to combine this category with the token comedy slot and give the nomination to Bend It Like Beckham. And no, Lost in Translation does not already fill the token comedy slot.

After years of almosts, Pixar finally gets its first nomination here with Finding Nemo. Congratulations, fishies.

Finally, let's give the last two slots to Cold Mountain and 21 Grams. Both were critically acclaimed dramas, both had a number of other nominations, and frankly, it doesn't matter what the last two nominations were, because Lord of the Rings destroyed everything in its path.

* The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
o Lost In Translation
o Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
o Mystic River
o Seabiscuit
+ 21 Grams
+ Bend it Like Beckham
+ City of God
+ Cold Mountain
+ Finding Nemo
----------------------
2004:
I'm going to go against my self-imposed director rule for one reason: It's not practical here. The film in question is Vera Drake. I know nothing about Vera Drake. I don't think anybody saw Vera Drake. And if someone did, I doubt they remember anything about it. So I'm not going to honor it. There's too many other films to nominate, anyways.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was released in March 2004. Compare this to 90% of all Oscar-nominated films which come out in December. Most people forgot about it come nomination time. I theorize if Finding Neverland and Eternal Sunshine swapped release dates, Eternal Sunshine would have earned the nomination instead. But now with ten nominees, they both get the honor.

Collateral earns a nomination as the token thriller, a genre absent from the five original nominees. AMPAS, genre films will not bite you.

Pixar shines again with a nomination for The Incredibles, an obvious choice if you ask me. But nobody ever does, which is why I've resigned myself to blogging.

After a very fortuitous year at the Emmys for Angels in America, director Mike Nichols has carryover success at the Oscars with his film Closer. It's a romance that gets the majority of the chick flick votes, especially after the disappointments that were The Phantom of the Opera, Alfie and De-Lovely.

So what film gets the fifth and final slot? Well, after Michael Moore's 2002 Best Documentary win for Bowling for Columbine, his big win at Cannes in 2004, and a general animosity by everyone throughout Hollywood towards the Bush administration, I think there's a fairly strong likelihood Fahrenheit 9/11 would snatch up a nomination for best picture. It would be the first documentary to ever be nominated outside the Best Documentary category (as far as my research reveals), and for Best Picture, no less. Hollywood does not hide its liberal bias well.

* Million Dollar Baby
o The Aviator
o Finding Neverland
o Ray
o Sideways
+ Collateral
+ Closer
+ Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
+ Fahrenheit 9/11
+ The Incredibles
-------------------
2005:
In an odd turn of events, 2005 was one of four years where the Best Picture nominees matched up exactly with the Best Director nominees. So the director rule is out.

A History of Violence was lauded as one of the best films of the year, so we'll give it the token thriller slot.

In fact, let's just honor all the token stereotypes. Let's give a nomination to The Squid and the Whale for comedy (Baumbach/Raimi dichotomy be damned).

The Constant Gardner gets a nomination for being politically topical and provocative.

Walk the Line gets a nomination for being a combination musical and biopic (and because it's basically Ray, but with country singers).

And finally, Cinderella Man gets a nom because boxing movies are always nominated.

* Crash
o Brokeback Mountain
o Capote
o Good Night, and Good Luck
o Munich
+ Cinderella Man
+ The Constant Gardener
+ A History of Violence
+ The Squid and the Whale
+ Walk the Line
-------------------
2006:
United 93 gets the first nomination. It was nominated for Best Director, and because 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11.

I'm hesitant to name any others nominees, because the nominations for 2006 seem to hit all the marks: Action, social drama, indie comedy, a biopic and a foreign language film (even though Letters From Iwo Jima was produced in America). But all hesitations aside, I've got a blog post to finish. Let's just double up on everything.

Half-Nelson is another social drama exploring societal and class relations across differing ethnic backgrounds only to reach the conclusion that we're not all that different (just like Babel.)

Pan's Labyrinth is the story of a young protagonist searching for escape and salvation from hostile authority figures, war, and an assured death. And its presented in a foreign language (just like Letters From Iwo Jima.)

The Devil Wears Prada is a comedy about a female protagonist trying to advance in an industry ruled by superficial standards of beauty, only to discover the best way to live is by embracing your flaws (just like Little Miss Sunshine.)

And finally, Dreamgirls is the story of a female protagonist finding the courage to face her eagerly awaiting public, even while being pressured by authority figures to remain in the background (just like The Queen.)

* The Departed
o Babel
o Letters from Iwo Jima
o Little Miss Sunshine
o The Queen
+ The Devil Wears Prada
+ Dreamgirls
+ Half Nelson
+ Pan's Labyrinth
+ United 93
------------------
2007:
2007 was one of the greatest years for movies in recent history. Go look at the Wikipedia page for 2007 In Film and try to disagree with me. Not now, do it on your own time.

First off, let's give The Diving Bell and the Butterfly a nomination for not only getting the Best Director nom, but for also being a foreign language film and a biopic. Way to hog the spotlight.

Zodiac was a critical darling, and everybody was surprised when it not only missed out on a Best Picture nom, but was completely ignored by the Academy altogether. The March release date didn't help. Well, it's a good thing I can reshape history in my image.

In addition to being a great year for cinema in general, 2007 successfully revived the Western genre with two top-notch films; 3:10 to Yuma and The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Crawford. One of these two films deserves recognition. And since I'm the only one authorized to break ties, I'm declaring 3:10 to Yuma the slightly better film.

Let's give the fourth slot to Sweeney Todd. Partially because it was a musical, partially because it had mass appeal, but mostly because Tim Burton deserves an Oscar nomination by this point in his career.

Finally, Ratatouille gets a nomination because it's the token Pixar flick. And because, with films about hitmen, rape, teenage pregnancy, corruption, exploitation, frontier gunslinging, psychological torment from near-total paralysis, cannibalism and serial killers, 2007 needs an upper. As Jon Stewart said at the Oscars, "Does this town need a hug?"

* No Country for Old Men
o Atonement
o Juno
o Michael Clayton
o There Will Be Blood
+ 3:10 to Yuma
+ The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
+ Ratatouille
+ Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
+ Zodiac
---------------
2008:
I don't even have to talk about 2008. I can name the other five nominations for 2008 right here, right now. The Dark Knight, Doubt, Revolutionary Road, Wall-E, and The Wrestler.

How can I be certain? Because everybody already knows these were the other five nominations. There's no denying it. Everybody asked the same question in 2008: "Why weren't these five films nominated?"

And the Academy responded, "Because those five films were nominated."

And then everybody asked, "But why were those five films nominated, and not these five films."

And the Academy responded, "Because we can only nominate five films."

2008 was the reason the nominations were bumped up to ten. Hollywood was just producing too much quality work, and too many good films were falling through the cracks. There had to be a change. And change there was.

* Slumdog Millionaire
o The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
o Frost/Nixon
o Milk
o The Reader
+ The Dark Knight
+ Doubt
+ Revolutionary Road
+ Wall-E
+ The Wrestler

Well, thanks for joining me on this trip through an alternate universe that rejected the studio machine Oscar Bait a decade early. You're probably wondering if I'll go back further and show the alternate nominees from even earlier years, but I took a look at some of the other nominees from 1997 and 1998... Eesh. Let's leave history for the history books.